I have a great affinity with Woody Allen. If I want to be honest, I am sure that I am his reincarnation, except he is not dead yet! Oh well, God must have messed it up again! What fascinates me is his pessimistic eagerness for life. In the opening of Annie Hall, speaking to the camera in a Brechtian scene, he tells a joke. "Two elderly women went to a restaurant to have a meal. They ordered steak and when it arrived one of them tasted it and said "It tastes awful, what kind of spices did they put in it?". " You see?" the other one answered, "and such a small portion!" And that is how life is: full of misery and loneliness, bitterness and sadness, extortion and agitation; and such a small portion! Blink, and you are counting your steps to the grave. Why do we care about its length then? Well, it is like taking care of your beloved crippled sister; carrying her on your shoulders to see the flow of beautiful Autumn leaves falling from the tree. Sweating under her weight, you wish to return home and rest, but when you arrive home, you wish you could have stayed and felt the warmth of her body in the chilly weather a little bit longer.
I had a very bad day yesterday. Full of meetings, shoutings, and stress. At night, I smoked five cigarettes in a row and went to bed. You can imagine how I felt this morning, when I woke up. I opened my eyes to the buzzing of Jazz on the radio, as usual, with the early bird senile sensation on my head, facing the biggest question of human history. " Tell me again, Why I am here ? Why do I need to wake up again?" I crept out to the washroom rubbing my eyes, looking for my cigarette pack and the comic page of the newspaper.
After my morning dose of nicotine and caffeine, I managed to get out of the house. A breath of virgin fresh air crawled up my nostrils and twisted the corner of my lips upside! Cold? Oh yes, but it is definitely worth it! I smiled all of a sudden like there was a hole in all that misery that lets you see something very beautiful on the other side of it. I remembered that it was not that bad after all. After an hour I would be there and see that beautiful smile again. It feels like boiling your morning milk in a hand made oven in the white snow, to take your breakfast meal while climbing the mighty mountains. Golden rays of hair surrounding her beautiful face like the sunlight of the dawn, white as the snowy mountain with the burning eyes. And a smile, like the eruption of a volcano which makes the lava of love soar from my heart and reveals the snowy pearls of teeth. You wonder how they don't melt in that exotic temperature. It unsheathes my heart and scrapes my soul to bleed away that miserable life. I could see that smile; but yet again, not for me! Oh well, what can one do? It is destiny, life as it is, like anything else. You do not get what you desire but you enjoy it as you desire. Maybe it is the insatiable desire that makes you grow; the fantasy of the holy grail that makes you climb to the heights of the soul, as Sufis say. And maybe, just maybe, it is for you after all. Who knows the twists of life. And then I remembered the song that had woken me up :" That's why the Chinks do it, Japs do it, up in Lapland little Laps do it! Well let's do it, let's fall in love."
I had a very bad day yesterday. Full of meetings, shoutings, and stress. At night, I smoked five cigarettes in a row and went to bed. You can imagine how I felt this morning, when I woke up. I opened my eyes to the buzzing of Jazz on the radio, as usual, with the early bird senile sensation on my head, facing the biggest question of human history. " Tell me again, Why I am here ? Why do I need to wake up again?" I crept out to the washroom rubbing my eyes, looking for my cigarette pack and the comic page of the newspaper.
After my morning dose of nicotine and caffeine, I managed to get out of the house. A breath of virgin fresh air crawled up my nostrils and twisted the corner of my lips upside! Cold? Oh yes, but it is definitely worth it! I smiled all of a sudden like there was a hole in all that misery that lets you see something very beautiful on the other side of it. I remembered that it was not that bad after all. After an hour I would be there and see that beautiful smile again. It feels like boiling your morning milk in a hand made oven in the white snow, to take your breakfast meal while climbing the mighty mountains. Golden rays of hair surrounding her beautiful face like the sunlight of the dawn, white as the snowy mountain with the burning eyes. And a smile, like the eruption of a volcano which makes the lava of love soar from my heart and reveals the snowy pearls of teeth. You wonder how they don't melt in that exotic temperature. It unsheathes my heart and scrapes my soul to bleed away that miserable life. I could see that smile; but yet again, not for me! Oh well, what can one do? It is destiny, life as it is, like anything else. You do not get what you desire but you enjoy it as you desire. Maybe it is the insatiable desire that makes you grow; the fantasy of the holy grail that makes you climb to the heights of the soul, as Sufis say. And maybe, just maybe, it is for you after all. Who knows the twists of life. And then I remembered the song that had woken me up :" That's why the Chinks do it, Japs do it, up in Lapland little Laps do it! Well let's do it, let's fall in love."
